Threading Between The Friend And Love Zone

Once again, I have disappeared again from you all and now decided to reappear with some stories to share.

I realised every single time I am writing here, it is to complain about some and it will not be any different this time around. I guess this has become a space for me to relieve myself from my misery.

As I write this, I can't help but think, "Is this what my life is going to be like? Will I be one of those old farts living alone and have a dozen of cats lying around my house? Will I be knitting some weird ass sweater for no apparent reason?"

Anyhow, let's go back to the story of the day! This is pretty much what the title says: Me threading on a fine line between being friends and love zone with this guy I met a few weeks ago.



It's a pretty dangerous zone and I'm sure more than one of you out there have had experiences like this.

Here's the lowdown on what has happened so far.

'Twas a fine day during lunch hour at work. I was out with my work hags for a round of coffee and sandwiches at Starbucks (Coffee snobs, don't judge. That's the only thing available. Either that or Gloria Jeans. Take your pick.)

So one of my loyal hags spotted a cute guy and literally shouted it out (Ah, I've train them well with their hot men radars). So I turned and look – cute!

He looks Eurasian, but just a hint of it. Rather exotic and I like it. He is on the lean side with a good height (maybe 3 inch taller than me?). Though he has a boyish look, I found him rather intriguing, to say the very least.

And he look familiar. I pointed that out to my hags and they rolled their eyes. Pretty much because when I saw a guy looks familiar, it means either I've slept with him before and forgot or I've seen them on the prowl on Grindr or the local gay clubs.

I was spot on. Switched on Grindr and there he was. So long story short, we texted for a while and agreed to meet. That's where things take a turn.

Let me ask you this, have you had that immediate feeling where you meet a guy for the first time and you immediately know that it is not going to work. It was like an immediate friend zone.

That was what I had. Why? Well, mainly because when we met, we just couldn't stop talking. That's the thing about me, when I like a guy, the first meet up is always rather quiet and mellow.

I usually just too mesmerised by the guy and my vocabulary becomes the standard of a two year old, which revolves around smiling and nodding with occasional sounds made.

Thing is, when I was with him, we could talk a lot and we click. There was minimal flirting and we're like old friends.

Fast forward till now, we are on good terms. There was occasional flirting and hints of him wanting to get it on but nothing was ever concrete. Plus, I liked him as a friend. Though I can say I don't mind sleeping with him if he offers.

I found him very interesting and I am completely enamoured but I know nothing good will come out of it, if I pursue the romance route.

So I guess it's best to stay as friends. My best hag said, "You do know that you always sleep with the guys you like and try to be friends with, right?"

Agreed but I rather not. He is a nice guy and I enjoy the company. Better have a good friend than a good lay, right?

So just now, he just text me and said he got attached to a guy he met a couple of times. I was both happy and sad at the same time.

Sad because I wanted it to be me but happy because now I can firm myself up and just take him as a friend. Secretly though, I know that he wouldn't last with this new guy.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but by the time they actually break up, I am well and secure in the friend zone and no complains to that.

Then I'll probably make fun of him like best fag friends do.

What's your take on this? Am I right? Does anything I said make sense at all?


Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo

PS: I am back home visiting family and prowling on Grindr. Maybe I'll get lucky and get laid for once. It's been two weeks!

Grindrology Lesson 1: Guys you meet in Grindr

Grindr. A mobile app that we, the gays, can’t seem to live without. What is the appeal to Grindr? Being the new generation of gays who love these apps, I always wonder what did gay men do before Grindr happened or even before the days of online dating sites like Fridae and Match.com.

I’ll be honest. As the newer generation, Grindr is a place for me to meet like-minded gays for dates, and sex. 
Though I do find that in Malaysia, Jack’d seems to be the preferred app, which I do like since it is more detailed and there are options for those of you who wants to remain secretive to have private photos.

Photo from Instagram @grindr

It used to be all about sex. That was when I first came out and found the joys of Grindr. Sex was the priority. I blame the raging hormones of a young gay men in a foreign country.

Now, it’s more about just meeting for dates and to see if I can hunt my husband-to-be amongst the myriad of photoshopped abs and landscape photos.

Gone were the days of meeting someone in person and making contact. Well, I don’t think it’ll work for us since there is always a risk of them not being gay and you’ll get a punch on the face, despite how much we pride ourselves of our GAYDAR.

Browsing through Grindr lately, I noticed a few things. Let’s go through some:

·      No Chinese, No Indians, No Malays etc – Yes. We all have our preferences. But why do you state the rejection in your profile. Isn’t saying that you “prefer Caucasians” or  “prefer dating Chinese” sounds better and saying no on specific races. ME: I’d skip that detail and let things go with the flow. If we don’t click or I am not interested. I’d tell you straight off.

·      Looking for friends only but I’m a top/bottom/versatile – This often confuses me. For those profiles stating that they are looking for friends only and they’re attached. Why do they always state their sexual role. If you’re looking for just friends, I don’t need to know if you’re a bottom. It’s not like if you’re a bottom, you would only reply to the tops. Isn’t that hint on you wanting sex but trying to play nice?

·      Wouldn’t reply if you just say hi r say more than hi – That is often a confusing rule. When you first meet someone, don’t you start with a hi or how are you? What else do you want me to say?  So does “Hi There” constitute as more than a hi? And personally sometimes when someone writes his whole lifetime summary in one message would freak me.

·      Not looking for – What is the damn point of you telling others what you are not looking for. Not that it helps you in any way. Isn’t it better to say what you are into and what you are looking for? That saves us a lot of time. At least when I see you say you’d prefer older men or something, I won’t message you if I am close to your age.

·      Money boys – For some reason, Grindr and similar apps had become a money making tool. You can see heaps of model like men advertising their services. I thought the idea of Grindr was to find dates and have some random sex. Since when do we need to pay for it? And I find these profiles appear more in Malaysia, compared to my times in Melbourne.

·    No option for sex  - That's the biggest problem in Grindr and plenty of us have hightlighted this problem. In their "Seeking" option, where in the hell is the SEX option? Isn't it easier if that is there/ That way you can cut out the useless options since friends, chats and networking is the same thing. Just have these options - friends, dates, relationship and sex. Agreed?

And voila, my random thoughts on Grindr. What’s your take on what you constitute as good Grindr-ing?

Are you gays on Grindr or Jack’d constantly? What other apps is good in Malaysia? Maybe you’ll bump into me sometime in the app.

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a jolly holiday!
Yours Queerly xoxo

People Like Us - Gay blogs you need to follow

Happy Monday, my loves! Though I am sure, like me, you would rather do anything or anyone else to care about work. Hence, I am writing on my blog instead of the ten stories that I have to finish up by Wednesday. I know, FML.

On a depressing Monday like this, what better things to do than to go through your blog feeds and look for new posts by your favorite bloggers?

Here is a few of my favorite gay reads:

1. The Single Life of a Manhattan Homo - To me, this is the father of all gay blogs: a successful gay writer, Mark Brennan Rosenberg, with his most interesting and exciting life and in my city of dreams nonetheless, NEW YORK!
2. Bedtime Stories - Adventures of a gay doctor. A fantastic writer and one of the few like Mark (Manhattan Homo) who writes stories in their blogs, rather than random posts with a million grammatical errors and nonsensical sentence structures.
3. Fable Frog - I find it quite the interesting read. Even though I have only read the most recent post on his dream of gang raping - oh how dirty and fabulous!
4. Ranting of the Boy (Park in Reverse) - Again, I have only screened through a few post but I am loving this gaysian in Melbourne (my former home), like the latest post on gay relationships!
5. Strictly Gay - This blog is the gay lifestyle and culture blog to follow. Who better to go for when you need reviews on food, culture and lifestyle, than to go to a gay. From facial care, gadgets, food to film, you have it all in a gay POI - which is what we, the Gays need in Malaysia. A gay lifestyle guide.

So there you have it. Some of my regular haunts now (the links are not put in any form ranking, I love them all). I have more in my arsenal but I have only bookmarked them for now and don't have time to read through them yet. I will post them up when the time comes.

A special mention to Manhattan Homo because I love him so much that I practically dive into the archives and read every single post available. It took me a few days to read but it was all worth it.

And now my stalking continues on to Bedtime Stories, I have read up till April 2005 and I have eight more years to go!

I am such a proud stalker, but I blame it on my obsessive nature in reading nurtured by my sister.

Oh! On the side note, don't you think Kelly Clarkson's new song, "People Like Us" is actually meant for people like us. The homos and co. The LGBTIs!

Anyway, enjoy the suggested reads and I will go back to Bedtime Stories for another hour before slaving myself at work.

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo