When memories of you flood back into my mind

I still remember all the times when I lie down on your lap reading my books and you casually comb your hands through my hair absently, all while you're reading your own book.

Or that time when you gave me a back rub and say "I love you" while I was cooking in the kitchen.

And I still remember those mornings when I woke up with you by my side and I just can't stop smiling. You'll open your eyes, all drowsy from your deep sleep, and  say "Good morning, love."

Yes, I am getting all emotional with all of you reading this right now.

"What happened?" you ask. First was that one post someone shared on my Facebook talking about how you know that the person you are dating is the one.

Then there was that new web series from China that my friend recommended. It is a glorious 15-episode web drama series (go watch it. It's so sweet and cheesy that it made me feel lonely and depressed, all while giggling about it.)

The series is called "Addicted", a gay romance drama set in a high school in Beijing. You can watch it on YouTube (here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkMVtBVoXzE)

Watching it made me all giddy with love and brought back so many memories about my ex-boyfriend.

So I've decided to write about the first time we met and how we got into our first date.

Now, back to my emotionally charged post.

His name is... let's just call him the Irish. No, he's not from Ireland but he is Australian and of Irish descendant.

He is a pure-born-and-bred Australian who lived his whole life in Melbourne (can I hear a "Oy, Oy, Oy" from you?).

I met you one fine autumn day on my way back from shopping. I spotted you walking around the mall by himself. He was a sight to behold.

Casually dressed in a cotton shirt and chinos paired with a black pair of glasses, you were walking towards the bus stop.

I was too and decided to follow you from behind (yes, I was stalking him). In my defense, I was walking in the same direction.

As if some higher gay being heard my prayer, you boarded on the same bus as me. We made brief eye contact and you smiled.

I was pretty sure I made some sort of face when I tried to smile, but you weren't bothered by it. You continued reading your book.

I sat opposite of you and kept stealing glances at you. You just kept on reading – clearly transported elsewhere.

When we reached the train station, I got down the bus thinking that I probably won't see you again, but you were right behind me.

Our roads forked as you walked into the university campus next to the station and I walked towards the train platform.

I kept thinking, "Damn, he was hot! I wonder if he studies at that TAFE. Maybe I should drop by this area more often."

As I was daydreaming all about you, you appeared in the corner of my eye. I turned and you smiled again. I returned the smile and am pretty sure I was flushing in red.

When the train arrived, you walk into the carriage in front of you, while I got into mine, which was a few down yours.

And I thought to myself, "Well, it's not like he's going to come sit in your carriage. Damn it! I should've sneaked to the spot near his side, so that I get into his carriage and stare at him more."

(Stop judging. When you see a hot guy, you'd do that too. No. Don't try and say otherwise. I know.)

Then it happened. By the graces of god (or whoever that did it. Cher, was that you?), you walked into my carriage and boldly sat a few seats opposite of me.

You caught me gawking (possibly with my mouth opened), but I took the initiative and smiled at you first.

I didn't expect you to say anything but you said, "Nice weather today huh? Cool but with just enough amount of sun."

Then the conversation continued, you were funny and so charming. I was in heavens as I try to make more conversation with you.

Looking back, any guy would've thought I'm a little crazy. I was yapping on and on about everything, but you didn't.

You thought I was incredibly cheerful and rather 'cute'. I still didn't believe you when you told me that on our second date (but that's for later).

The train ride was 40 minutes long but it felt like 5 instead. When we reached the city, I was sure that this would be where we part ways. I thought you kept on to my flow of conversation because you're being nice.

When we tagged out of the gates and I walked off. You asked, "You don't have anything on now right? Wanna grab a coffee while you wait for your friend?"

I said "yes!" immediately and we headed off together. That became our first unofficial date and till now, I still remember it.

You'll always be the love of my life and even though we are in different continents and we never kept in touch anymore, nothing will change that.

I Love You Irish.


So... that's how I met him. More to come soon I hope. I'll try and update more.

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo

Grindrology Lesson 1: Guys you meet in Grindr

Grindr. A mobile app that we, the gays, can’t seem to live without. What is the appeal to Grindr? Being the new generation of gays who love these apps, I always wonder what did gay men do before Grindr happened or even before the days of online dating sites like Fridae and Match.com.

I’ll be honest. As the newer generation, Grindr is a place for me to meet like-minded gays for dates, and sex. 
Though I do find that in Malaysia, Jack’d seems to be the preferred app, which I do like since it is more detailed and there are options for those of you who wants to remain secretive to have private photos.

Photo from Instagram @grindr

It used to be all about sex. That was when I first came out and found the joys of Grindr. Sex was the priority. I blame the raging hormones of a young gay men in a foreign country.

Now, it’s more about just meeting for dates and to see if I can hunt my husband-to-be amongst the myriad of photoshopped abs and landscape photos.

Gone were the days of meeting someone in person and making contact. Well, I don’t think it’ll work for us since there is always a risk of them not being gay and you’ll get a punch on the face, despite how much we pride ourselves of our GAYDAR.

Browsing through Grindr lately, I noticed a few things. Let’s go through some:

·      No Chinese, No Indians, No Malays etc – Yes. We all have our preferences. But why do you state the rejection in your profile. Isn’t saying that you “prefer Caucasians” or  “prefer dating Chinese” sounds better and saying no on specific races. ME: I’d skip that detail and let things go with the flow. If we don’t click or I am not interested. I’d tell you straight off.

·      Looking for friends only but I’m a top/bottom/versatile – This often confuses me. For those profiles stating that they are looking for friends only and they’re attached. Why do they always state their sexual role. If you’re looking for just friends, I don’t need to know if you’re a bottom. It’s not like if you’re a bottom, you would only reply to the tops. Isn’t that hint on you wanting sex but trying to play nice?

·      Wouldn’t reply if you just say hi r say more than hi – That is often a confusing rule. When you first meet someone, don’t you start with a hi or how are you? What else do you want me to say?  So does “Hi There” constitute as more than a hi? And personally sometimes when someone writes his whole lifetime summary in one message would freak me.

·      Not looking for – What is the damn point of you telling others what you are not looking for. Not that it helps you in any way. Isn’t it better to say what you are into and what you are looking for? That saves us a lot of time. At least when I see you say you’d prefer older men or something, I won’t message you if I am close to your age.

·      Money boys – For some reason, Grindr and similar apps had become a money making tool. You can see heaps of model like men advertising their services. I thought the idea of Grindr was to find dates and have some random sex. Since when do we need to pay for it? And I find these profiles appear more in Malaysia, compared to my times in Melbourne.

·    No option for sex  - That's the biggest problem in Grindr and plenty of us have hightlighted this problem. In their "Seeking" option, where in the hell is the SEX option? Isn't it easier if that is there/ That way you can cut out the useless options since friends, chats and networking is the same thing. Just have these options - friends, dates, relationship and sex. Agreed?

And voila, my random thoughts on Grindr. What’s your take on what you constitute as good Grindr-ing?

Are you gays on Grindr or Jack’d constantly? What other apps is good in Malaysia? Maybe you’ll bump into me sometime in the app.

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a jolly holiday!
Yours Queerly xoxo