Mid 20s gay conundrums: Being taken seriously

 (Photo by Coming Out on Top)

As a mid 20s gay man who prefers to date older, more matured men, there comes many a times (in Malaysia), where I find an interesting guy that I fancy but left hanging because they think you're too young for them?

Before I go deeper into this conundrum of mine, let me define my preferred type of older gentlemen.

• Someone who is about the age of 30. Usually between 28 to 36 years old.
• Matured with a stable job and well cultured.
• Someone who can carry a conversation with you without being too vain (we're gay, there's always a vain moment, but not all the time)
• Someone who respects space and boundaries when it comes to a relationship

So I'm about 26 this year and most of the times, I find younger men unattractive when it comes to having a proper relationship.

Yes, they might be good looking with rocking abs. That's good and all but they are nothing but eye candies.

In my terms, they are "nice to see, nice to hold (literally) but once deeper into it, it gets boring and off-putting because they are either too clingy or can't think of anything but getting you home for a fuck.

So I tend to initiate conversations with older gentlemen who I feel more in sync with. That's when the problems kick in, while we are great in conversations and all, it always comes down to a single thing – I'm too young for them.

In their eyes, I am this young kid who is barely old enough. Whenever I say I like to have a steady relationship, they will laugh it off like I am joking. I am constantly friend-zoned.

The thing is I do want to settle down. I am tired of the partying and lapping up hot young things for non-committed relations.

The older men often take me as this understudy that they felt compelled to mentor. They take me as the little brother (actually sister) who just got inducted to the homo-hood and needs to be guided.

But I am not. While I can't say I am very matured but I think I have bypassed the twenties zone, where parties, sex and late nights are priority.

(Photo by Coming Out on Top)

I am perfectly content with my cup of coffee, a good read and a nice date night out. Then possibly followed by hot sex with my partner.

In Malaysia, it just seems impossible. They are two types of guys I attract.

1. Young boys in their early 20s (possibly 18 and 19 too) who wants sex, sex and more sex. The ones who don't bother getting to know you and after two minutes of conversation, they either want sex or they say they love me and wants to be in a relationship.
2. The other group is the men over 50s (most of the time, even 60s) who wants a young boy toy to satisfy their closeted desires.

While I am never one to judge, these two types of men are just not in my attraction scope.

Then when I finally men that are exactly how I like them, they often friend-zoned me or make me part of their sisterhood entourage.


So comes my question to all of you out there reading this, how can I escape this conundrum?

Maybe I am still immature for having this rant about it? I don't know. Any thoughts?



Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo

Threading Between The Friend And Love Zone

Once again, I have disappeared again from you all and now decided to reappear with some stories to share.

I realised every single time I am writing here, it is to complain about some and it will not be any different this time around. I guess this has become a space for me to relieve myself from my misery.

As I write this, I can't help but think, "Is this what my life is going to be like? Will I be one of those old farts living alone and have a dozen of cats lying around my house? Will I be knitting some weird ass sweater for no apparent reason?"

Anyhow, let's go back to the story of the day! This is pretty much what the title says: Me threading on a fine line between being friends and love zone with this guy I met a few weeks ago.



It's a pretty dangerous zone and I'm sure more than one of you out there have had experiences like this.

Here's the lowdown on what has happened so far.

'Twas a fine day during lunch hour at work. I was out with my work hags for a round of coffee and sandwiches at Starbucks (Coffee snobs, don't judge. That's the only thing available. Either that or Gloria Jeans. Take your pick.)

So one of my loyal hags spotted a cute guy and literally shouted it out (Ah, I've train them well with their hot men radars). So I turned and look – cute!

He looks Eurasian, but just a hint of it. Rather exotic and I like it. He is on the lean side with a good height (maybe 3 inch taller than me?). Though he has a boyish look, I found him rather intriguing, to say the very least.

And he look familiar. I pointed that out to my hags and they rolled their eyes. Pretty much because when I saw a guy looks familiar, it means either I've slept with him before and forgot or I've seen them on the prowl on Grindr or the local gay clubs.

I was spot on. Switched on Grindr and there he was. So long story short, we texted for a while and agreed to meet. That's where things take a turn.

Let me ask you this, have you had that immediate feeling where you meet a guy for the first time and you immediately know that it is not going to work. It was like an immediate friend zone.

That was what I had. Why? Well, mainly because when we met, we just couldn't stop talking. That's the thing about me, when I like a guy, the first meet up is always rather quiet and mellow.

I usually just too mesmerised by the guy and my vocabulary becomes the standard of a two year old, which revolves around smiling and nodding with occasional sounds made.

Thing is, when I was with him, we could talk a lot and we click. There was minimal flirting and we're like old friends.

Fast forward till now, we are on good terms. There was occasional flirting and hints of him wanting to get it on but nothing was ever concrete. Plus, I liked him as a friend. Though I can say I don't mind sleeping with him if he offers.

I found him very interesting and I am completely enamoured but I know nothing good will come out of it, if I pursue the romance route.

So I guess it's best to stay as friends. My best hag said, "You do know that you always sleep with the guys you like and try to be friends with, right?"

Agreed but I rather not. He is a nice guy and I enjoy the company. Better have a good friend than a good lay, right?

So just now, he just text me and said he got attached to a guy he met a couple of times. I was both happy and sad at the same time.

Sad because I wanted it to be me but happy because now I can firm myself up and just take him as a friend. Secretly though, I know that he wouldn't last with this new guy.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but by the time they actually break up, I am well and secure in the friend zone and no complains to that.

Then I'll probably make fun of him like best fag friends do.

What's your take on this? Am I right? Does anything I said make sense at all?


Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo

PS: I am back home visiting family and prowling on Grindr. Maybe I'll get lucky and get laid for once. It's been two weeks!