When memories of you flood back into my mind

I still remember all the times when I lie down on your lap reading my books and you casually comb your hands through my hair absently, all while you're reading your own book.

Or that time when you gave me a back rub and say "I love you" while I was cooking in the kitchen.

And I still remember those mornings when I woke up with you by my side and I just can't stop smiling. You'll open your eyes, all drowsy from your deep sleep, and  say "Good morning, love."

Yes, I am getting all emotional with all of you reading this right now.

"What happened?" you ask. First was that one post someone shared on my Facebook talking about how you know that the person you are dating is the one.

Then there was that new web series from China that my friend recommended. It is a glorious 15-episode web drama series (go watch it. It's so sweet and cheesy that it made me feel lonely and depressed, all while giggling about it.)

The series is called "Addicted", a gay romance drama set in a high school in Beijing. You can watch it on YouTube (here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkMVtBVoXzE)

Watching it made me all giddy with love and brought back so many memories about my ex-boyfriend.

So I've decided to write about the first time we met and how we got into our first date.

Now, back to my emotionally charged post.

His name is... let's just call him the Irish. No, he's not from Ireland but he is Australian and of Irish descendant.

He is a pure-born-and-bred Australian who lived his whole life in Melbourne (can I hear a "Oy, Oy, Oy" from you?).

I met you one fine autumn day on my way back from shopping. I spotted you walking around the mall by himself. He was a sight to behold.

Casually dressed in a cotton shirt and chinos paired with a black pair of glasses, you were walking towards the bus stop.

I was too and decided to follow you from behind (yes, I was stalking him). In my defense, I was walking in the same direction.

As if some higher gay being heard my prayer, you boarded on the same bus as me. We made brief eye contact and you smiled.

I was pretty sure I made some sort of face when I tried to smile, but you weren't bothered by it. You continued reading your book.

I sat opposite of you and kept stealing glances at you. You just kept on reading – clearly transported elsewhere.

When we reached the train station, I got down the bus thinking that I probably won't see you again, but you were right behind me.

Our roads forked as you walked into the university campus next to the station and I walked towards the train platform.

I kept thinking, "Damn, he was hot! I wonder if he studies at that TAFE. Maybe I should drop by this area more often."

As I was daydreaming all about you, you appeared in the corner of my eye. I turned and you smiled again. I returned the smile and am pretty sure I was flushing in red.

When the train arrived, you walk into the carriage in front of you, while I got into mine, which was a few down yours.

And I thought to myself, "Well, it's not like he's going to come sit in your carriage. Damn it! I should've sneaked to the spot near his side, so that I get into his carriage and stare at him more."

(Stop judging. When you see a hot guy, you'd do that too. No. Don't try and say otherwise. I know.)

Then it happened. By the graces of god (or whoever that did it. Cher, was that you?), you walked into my carriage and boldly sat a few seats opposite of me.

You caught me gawking (possibly with my mouth opened), but I took the initiative and smiled at you first.

I didn't expect you to say anything but you said, "Nice weather today huh? Cool but with just enough amount of sun."

Then the conversation continued, you were funny and so charming. I was in heavens as I try to make more conversation with you.

Looking back, any guy would've thought I'm a little crazy. I was yapping on and on about everything, but you didn't.

You thought I was incredibly cheerful and rather 'cute'. I still didn't believe you when you told me that on our second date (but that's for later).

The train ride was 40 minutes long but it felt like 5 instead. When we reached the city, I was sure that this would be where we part ways. I thought you kept on to my flow of conversation because you're being nice.

When we tagged out of the gates and I walked off. You asked, "You don't have anything on now right? Wanna grab a coffee while you wait for your friend?"

I said "yes!" immediately and we headed off together. That became our first unofficial date and till now, I still remember it.

You'll always be the love of my life and even though we are in different continents and we never kept in touch anymore, nothing will change that.

I Love You Irish.


So... that's how I met him. More to come soon I hope. I'll try and update more.

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo

Mid 20s gay conundrums: Being taken seriously

 (Photo by Coming Out on Top)

As a mid 20s gay man who prefers to date older, more matured men, there comes many a times (in Malaysia), where I find an interesting guy that I fancy but left hanging because they think you're too young for them?

Before I go deeper into this conundrum of mine, let me define my preferred type of older gentlemen.

• Someone who is about the age of 30. Usually between 28 to 36 years old.
• Matured with a stable job and well cultured.
• Someone who can carry a conversation with you without being too vain (we're gay, there's always a vain moment, but not all the time)
• Someone who respects space and boundaries when it comes to a relationship

So I'm about 26 this year and most of the times, I find younger men unattractive when it comes to having a proper relationship.

Yes, they might be good looking with rocking abs. That's good and all but they are nothing but eye candies.

In my terms, they are "nice to see, nice to hold (literally) but once deeper into it, it gets boring and off-putting because they are either too clingy or can't think of anything but getting you home for a fuck.

So I tend to initiate conversations with older gentlemen who I feel more in sync with. That's when the problems kick in, while we are great in conversations and all, it always comes down to a single thing – I'm too young for them.

In their eyes, I am this young kid who is barely old enough. Whenever I say I like to have a steady relationship, they will laugh it off like I am joking. I am constantly friend-zoned.

The thing is I do want to settle down. I am tired of the partying and lapping up hot young things for non-committed relations.

The older men often take me as this understudy that they felt compelled to mentor. They take me as the little brother (actually sister) who just got inducted to the homo-hood and needs to be guided.

But I am not. While I can't say I am very matured but I think I have bypassed the twenties zone, where parties, sex and late nights are priority.

(Photo by Coming Out on Top)

I am perfectly content with my cup of coffee, a good read and a nice date night out. Then possibly followed by hot sex with my partner.

In Malaysia, it just seems impossible. They are two types of guys I attract.

1. Young boys in their early 20s (possibly 18 and 19 too) who wants sex, sex and more sex. The ones who don't bother getting to know you and after two minutes of conversation, they either want sex or they say they love me and wants to be in a relationship.
2. The other group is the men over 50s (most of the time, even 60s) who wants a young boy toy to satisfy their closeted desires.

While I am never one to judge, these two types of men are just not in my attraction scope.

Then when I finally men that are exactly how I like them, they often friend-zoned me or make me part of their sisterhood entourage.


So comes my question to all of you out there reading this, how can I escape this conundrum?

Maybe I am still immature for having this rant about it? I don't know. Any thoughts?



Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo

#LoveWins: Rainbows exploded on my feed

 

(Photo: @marcjacobs) 

 

"Oh Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!"

That was my initial thought when I opened my Instagram feed on the morning of 27th June 2015 (which is actually the 26th in America).

As far as my feed went, it all had one single similarity – the hashtag '#LoveWins'. I'm sure many had already talked about it and I am ten days late to the party.

But hey, it's my blog and my prerogative.

Even though it happened in the United States and it is not the first country who did so, it still marked a big step for the LGBTQ community.

Even for those in Malaysia, now we see hope that change might actually come. 

Well, it's that or we will all pack our bags and fly off to New York, California and heck, even Texas and Louisiana to get hitched with a hunky hot man (I'm sure most of you reading this will have the same thought).

It's the exact phenomenon that went through the heads of many anti-gay Americans, all who have said that they want to move to Canada.

Us Malaysians want it too. Canada, America, Netherlands, UK or anywhere else that would take us.

That aside, I was in pure ecstasy when I saw my feed – both Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.

 

(Photo by: @brian_atwood)

It was a major step for our community and even though, I am in Malaysia, I was very happy for my friends who are in the States.

Heck, I even changed my Facebook profile photo to join in the party and repost Instagram photos to celebrate. I was very happy to see so many of my friends celebrating the occasion even though they are straight.

But then I realised, there are some ignorant brats who joined the party without knowing what they are celebrating. While it is good that they are spreading the message, some of them changed their profile photos into the rainbow overlaid effect (Thank to Facebook's Celebrate Pride tool), without knowing what they changed it for.

They did it either because 1.) it looks pretty or 2.) everyone is doing it and they felt the need to. And that's just annoying.

Maybe it's just me but I find it annoying and then there are those who took it upon themselves to be keyboard heroes and start spouting nonsense. Whether if it's opposing the celebration or are flaming other people for not celebrating.

I do agree that we should do our part in one way or another but doing it to join the bandwagon is just not cool. It's like Malaysian politics where people comment and trash the topic, even though they never voted during the elections.

It just irks me a lot, that's all. 

 (Photo by Coming Out on Top)

Putting all that aside, congratulations to the US and I'll be packing my bags and moving over the first chance I have. 

After all, New York is my final destination. While I am born and bred in Malaysia, lived temporarily in Melbourne and now based in KL. I would someday move to that concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

Preferably with my man, a cute dog, a loft apartment (pre-war and rent-controlled please) and a fabulous job to boot!


Love you fags and hags out there. Have a good weekend.
Yours Queerly xoxo