Grindrology Lesson 1: Guys you meet in Grindr

Grindr. A mobile app that we, the gays, can’t seem to live without. What is the appeal to Grindr? Being the new generation of gays who love these apps, I always wonder what did gay men do before Grindr happened or even before the days of online dating sites like Fridae and Match.com.

I’ll be honest. As the newer generation, Grindr is a place for me to meet like-minded gays for dates, and sex. 
Though I do find that in Malaysia, Jack’d seems to be the preferred app, which I do like since it is more detailed and there are options for those of you who wants to remain secretive to have private photos.

Photo from Instagram @grindr

It used to be all about sex. That was when I first came out and found the joys of Grindr. Sex was the priority. I blame the raging hormones of a young gay men in a foreign country.

Now, it’s more about just meeting for dates and to see if I can hunt my husband-to-be amongst the myriad of photoshopped abs and landscape photos.

Gone were the days of meeting someone in person and making contact. Well, I don’t think it’ll work for us since there is always a risk of them not being gay and you’ll get a punch on the face, despite how much we pride ourselves of our GAYDAR.

Browsing through Grindr lately, I noticed a few things. Let’s go through some:

·      No Chinese, No Indians, No Malays etc – Yes. We all have our preferences. But why do you state the rejection in your profile. Isn’t saying that you “prefer Caucasians” or  “prefer dating Chinese” sounds better and saying no on specific races. ME: I’d skip that detail and let things go with the flow. If we don’t click or I am not interested. I’d tell you straight off.

·      Looking for friends only but I’m a top/bottom/versatile – This often confuses me. For those profiles stating that they are looking for friends only and they’re attached. Why do they always state their sexual role. If you’re looking for just friends, I don’t need to know if you’re a bottom. It’s not like if you’re a bottom, you would only reply to the tops. Isn’t that hint on you wanting sex but trying to play nice?

·      Wouldn’t reply if you just say hi r say more than hi – That is often a confusing rule. When you first meet someone, don’t you start with a hi or how are you? What else do you want me to say?  So does “Hi There” constitute as more than a hi? And personally sometimes when someone writes his whole lifetime summary in one message would freak me.

·      Not looking for – What is the damn point of you telling others what you are not looking for. Not that it helps you in any way. Isn’t it better to say what you are into and what you are looking for? That saves us a lot of time. At least when I see you say you’d prefer older men or something, I won’t message you if I am close to your age.

·      Money boys – For some reason, Grindr and similar apps had become a money making tool. You can see heaps of model like men advertising their services. I thought the idea of Grindr was to find dates and have some random sex. Since when do we need to pay for it? And I find these profiles appear more in Malaysia, compared to my times in Melbourne.

·    No option for sex  - That's the biggest problem in Grindr and plenty of us have hightlighted this problem. In their "Seeking" option, where in the hell is the SEX option? Isn't it easier if that is there/ That way you can cut out the useless options since friends, chats and networking is the same thing. Just have these options - friends, dates, relationship and sex. Agreed?

And voila, my random thoughts on Grindr. What’s your take on what you constitute as good Grindr-ing?

Are you gays on Grindr or Jack’d constantly? What other apps is good in Malaysia? Maybe you’ll bump into me sometime in the app.

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a jolly holiday!
Yours Queerly xoxo

Where Are My Gaybies?

Just the other day, I was talking to my fag hag #2, whom from now on will be called Roozilla. We were talking about my second cousins (my cousin’s kids). MY cousin has two kids now – a boy and a girl.

While the boy is a spoilt brat, the girl is plain adorable. I love that little pink bundle of joy so much!

Then came the topic of having our own. Oh, how I wish I would have my little gayby soon. 

Well before that, I’ll have to hunt down the father first. My first choice is, of course, MATT BOMER!

Dear Matt Bomer, can you be my baby's daddy?

I’ve always had the dream of starting my own family and have kids of my own. I am like the typical girl who thinks about how many kids I want and their ideal names.

If it is a boy, he shall be named Callum, Caleb, Lukas or Aleksandr. 

As for a girl, the princess shall be named Alessandra, Olivia, Cara or Anna (French and not English - pronounced as Ah-Na).

Yeah, I am crazy like that. Ideally, I want two boys and a girl. The eldest should be the boy followed by a middle sister and youngest boy. That way there would be competition with the boys and middle child syndrome can be avoided since she is the only girl in the family.

I want a family like his!

Then comes the question, “How am I getting my hands on the bundle of joy?”. As far as I know there are a few options:

• Surrogacy with a stranger - That is the most popular option to us now - many thanks to the shows like New Normal. (Oh how I wish my husband to be would be as hot as David played by Justin Bartha!)
  
  But the key here is finding a good EGG and a good surrogate for my baby. And who's seed shall we use? Mine or hubby-to-be's? Shall we mix in a cup and hope for the best or take turns. The first is mine and second will be his vice versa.
  
• Adoption - Another obvious choice thanks to celebrities like Madonna and Angelina Jolie. It is the common option since both of us can be pregnant. this way we can help some poor kid left behind by their parents. A great philanthropic effort but alas, one would always want their own flesh and blood.
  
• Find a lesbian friend - Similar to surrogacy but  we collaborate with the lesbian friend we know and get her pregnant. The hard part is will we be the parents or share custody with the lesbian? And worse, who's gonna be the one doing the lesbian? Me or hubby-to-be? Or we inject with a syringe?

This is the few options I can think of (for now). I think I'd prefer option 1 (Surrogacy with a stranger). This way, we can avoid the question of custody as everything is pretty much a transaction. It's like baking but the oven have no rights to the cupcake. We as the customers have the full right to it.

I know it sounds like we are buying a baby but that is the truth we have to face as gays.

So what's your take? Surrogacy, a lesbian or adopt a baby?  
And there is also financial to think about when doing surrogacy. Let's hope my future prince is a loaded one with mountains of lucrative shares and successful business. Think Wall Street men but a loving and caring partner.

While all is uncertain for now, I know one thing for sure. I would be the doting parent that would pamper the children. I will also be the stylish dad that can dress up their baby well but none of those dramatic ones like the ones your see in Modern Family. Though I am sure as hell the artsy and creative fun dad!

Hence, I need a more serious partner to be the bad guy and discipline them. 

So who wants to be my baby's daddy?

Love you fags and hags out there. Have a jolly holiday!
Yours Queerly xoxo